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Friday, December 01, 2006
Have I ever mentioned that I enjoy books that touch about women and history? Specifically women in asian culture? I think it started with Sing To The Dawn, and then subsequently, Falling Leaves. Something about reading about oppressed women living in the past just intrigues me. Something about the literary writing of such books too.

Am in the midst of reading yet another book that talks about women in 19th century China. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See - my kind of book.

The book touches on one of the definitions of a good daughter, sister, wife and mother - bound feet. And I look at my own crass ones that have grown uncontroablly sideways over the years, I can only imagine them to be frowned upon. If I was living in the past, I would probably be deemed fit to only be a lowly servant if I had feet like that. Unmarriagable and suited for the life of either a little wife, or a slave. Tsk, tsk.


'All I knew was that footbinding would make me more marrigeable and therefore bring me closer to the greatest love and greatest joy in a woman's life - a son.I resolved to be an honorable wife, a praiseworthy daughter-in-law, and a scrupulous mother. In bad times my heart was as strong as jade. I had the hidden might to withstand tragedies and sorrows. But here I am - a widow, sitting quietly as tradition dictates - and I understand that I was blind for too many years.'


I cringed when the author wrote about how you painfully break the bones, how you endure the stench of the pus and rotting flesh and in some cases, even death... just to achieve feet that are 7cm. 7CM?!?!?! WHICH sick JOKER came up with the idea of brushing bones and fitting feet into baby shoes?


'WE women are expected to love our chlidren as soon as they leave our bodies, but who among us has not felt disappointment at the sight of a daughter or felt the dark gloom that settles upon the mind even when holding a precious son, if he does nothing but cry and makes your mother-in-law look at you as though your milk were sour?

We may love our daughters with all our hearts, but as must train them through pain. We love our sons most of all, but we can never be part of their world, the outer realm of men. We are expected to love our husbands from the day of Contracting a Kin, though we will not see their faces for another 6 years. We are told to love our in-laws, but we enter those families as strangers, as the lowest person in the household, just one step on the ladder above a servant. We are ordered to love and honor our husbands' ancestors, so we perform the proper duties, even if our hearts quietly call out gratitude to our natal ancestors. We love our parents because they take care of us, but we are considered worthless branches on the family tree.

We drain the family resources. We are raised by one family for another. As happy as we are in our natal families, we all know that parting is inevitable. So we love our families, but we understand that this love will end in the sadness of departure. All these types of love come out of duty, respect, and gratitude. Most of them, as the women in my country know, are sources of sadness, rupture, and brutality. '

Such striking words. My ma has 3 daughters, and if it was in the old days, it would mean that she has paved three roads for someone else to use... 3 buckets of water to be thrown out and never to be retrieved. 3 branches to fall off the tree in time to come. To raise 3 worthless things, and have none by your side in your old age.

Thank god times have changed.

To be bethrothed to someone you have never met, based on 8 characters and family status. To know nothing about the person and family you are marrying into. I bet the phrase 'Marry a rooster, follow a rooster. Marry a dog, follow a dog.' was invented for this very reason.


'Family,

Today I pick up a brush, and my heart flies away home.
To my family I write - regards to dear parents, aunt, and uncle.
When I think of past days, my tears cannot stop falling down.
I still feel sad to have left home.
My stomach is big with baby and I am so hot in this weather.
My in-laws are spiteful.
I do all the household work.
In this heat it is impossible to please.
Sister, cousin, take care of Mama and Baba.
We women can only hope that our parents will live many years.
That way we will have a place to return for festivals.
IN our natal home, we will always have people who treasure us.
Please be good to our parents.

Your daughter, sister, and cousin.'


We all know what that means in the 21st century - DIVORCE. If only it was so easy.


OK, I'm going back to the book. I'll let you in on any quotable phrases once I get past it. Books such as this, I am saddened when I flip page after page - another chapter is closed, and the other cover of the book is fast approaching. I hope I am able to write in that subdued manner after I read more of such books. It makes me want to read slower in order to savor every phrasing.

OOhhh i dun wanna finish this book.


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