Thursday, September 14, 2006
Life as an Indian Princess - 10:59 PM
If I was an Indian princess in my past life, the Shiv Niwas Palace would had been my humble home. Since you commoners hardly understand the life of royalty, I'll gladly show you around, if you promise to say I am the fairest in the land. Haha, just kidding! I'm probably the nicest-natured princess you will ever meet in your whole life, you...you..ordinary people! And you can definitely tell how down-to-earth I am from the picture of my palace above...Since my house is not THAT big, please lor, doesn't even have a MOAT... I would live with my parents- the Maharajah and Queen of India, ONLY 500 servants since we retrenched a few from the last economy downturn, my pet tiger, and hmmm... Okok, I guess there IS space for a dog.
The Shiv Niwas Palace provides spectacular views of Lake Pichola and the white city of Udaipur adjacent to it. I would be in my lil sampan (last time no speedboat), and cruise down the lake on lazy afternoons. I'll have a minstrel play his viola and sing to me in Hindi, while I dream about my Prince in a white turban, riding his horse to my palace, and asking for my hand in marriage.
Of course, as part of the whole royalty deal, I'm obviously living the high life in some wonderful, exclusive part of India, away from the hustle bustle pollution and poverty like alot of other cities. Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta? I think not, for my ebony, silk-like hair will get dirty lorh... Hard to wash leh, since I only shampoo my waist-long hair like, gee I dunnno... once a year? So, I will be tucked away, in Rajasthan, a state located in the Northwest part of this lovely country. Not that you will know where it is, you common folk. HA, ha.
Since there are no Bollywood nor Hollywood films in the past, what will I do at night?? Live entertainment, of course! I enjoy privileges as a princess ok... its really hard work to stay beautiful under the heat everyday. And fending off those suitors... wah kao (oh, princesses don't use 'wah kao'??), I mean... its mighty straining. Of course I'll need to relax in the evenings, just like normal people, after you roll around the dirt all day. My Father the Maharajah usually arranges for some 100 courtiers to dance the night away at our backyard as soon as the sun goes down. See, the area around the pool is where they dance, while we sip teh tarik and look at them, and then the stars.
In the summer, as the weather soars, I'll have servants on standby, with their gigantic banana leaf, fanning me. OEI, never eat dinner ah? HARDER! AHhhhh, you see you see... the perils of being a princess... have to put up with stupid and ugly people who have no strength to even fan me. Sigh... incompetent fools...what will I ever do with them, I wonder. Feed them to my tiger when I'm bored? NAHHHHH, just kidding!! I've actually only done that once!! That silly maid... so clumsy that she cut my finger while giving me a manicure! But I was kind enough to feed only one finger to the tiger...she got to keep the other four. Ahhh I know... I'm maganimous, stop praising me! But this time, I'll make them wash my hair!!
Welcome to my room... Don't panic if you think this room is too small for a princess-next-door... Uh-hum, and that will be me, you dupe. Don't worry for me, for the 1000sq feet of space, is sufficient for little ol' me... After all, I have no need for such extravagance. ... Eh, why are you rolling your eyes at me? Do you see garish decor? Do you see diamonds tacked on the wall? Do you see swarvoski crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling? I ask for a simple life, and so, a simple 24k gold bed is all I get.
AHhh... finally, I'll get married by the grand old age of 19. My wedding, OF COURSE will be the most bling in the entire country and the surrounding region. FEI HUA, I AM THE PRINCESS MAH!! Celebrations last for 7 days and 7 nights... and since I want to keep it simple, I think 5000 guests ought to be it. Wanna keep it private, u know? You see my garden setting for my wedding... nice or not? AHhh, don't bother to reply me with your substandard answers... OH yah, don't say don't have...since I'm so happy, I'll bestow rice to all you commoners.
Ok, so thats my life as Indian royalty. Don't be jealous of me la... Although i AM very wealthy, beautiful, smart, and kind...But the best part is, I am VERY modest, and hardly brag! OK, I have to go count the diamonds now. Ta!