Friday, July 07, 2006
Guilt - 7:31 PM
The life of a working mother is one that spuns a tale of constant worrying, paranoia, and guilt. Yes, guilt. How often have we heard working moms lament about how guilty they are about leaving their child in the care of their grandparents, nanny, or maid? More times than not, for sure. In order to make up for time loss, they buy their kids tons of stuff.. clothes, toys...more clothes, and more toys. But thats just the typical middle-class working mother for you. She can afford to go shopping, eat at fancy restaurants once in awhile, buy the things she like with her own money... but what about the working class working mother?In Singapore, most mothers leave their babies, toddlers, children, to the care of either maids or grandparents, who, fortunately live near enough to help their child take care of their child. In the continental US that weaves across 50 states, that privilege is hard to come by. Even if they live near their parents, they are no longer obliged to help you out. They've accomplished their duty by the time you turned 18, remember?
Today at about 1230pm, the office received an urgent call for a cleaning lady. Apparently Maria's 12 yr old son had been left home alone cos its the summer vacation, and some relative or neighbor had found him passed out at home. Anna (the Director of Hskpg) dispatched 2 housemen to look for Marie who's working on the floors at the moment, and when she arrived, she was flustered and her voice was already breaking. It was as if she knew something bad might happen. She rushed to the hospital immediately.
Do you know that its illegal to leave your child who is under 16 at home? If the police or whoever found out that Marie had left her son home alone, what will happen to her? What if something serious happened to her son? She will blame herself forever. She had used up all her sick leave days to take care of her son already... what is she gonna do next?
This is a scenario that's not exclusive to Maria, but all the cleaning ladies, and ALL the working-class mothers out there who have left their children unattended at home. A nanny or childcare or even summer camp is absolutely out of the question....how can they afford it? Parents, relatives, neighbors? No money no talk. A lady once told me that when her daughter was younger, she would ask her to go to a store, and pretend to pick things out for 1 hr, before she rushed off work to meet her, because she didn't wanna leave her at home alone. One hour of scrutinizing everything in the store, putting it in ur basket, and putting it back on the shelf, you imagine that.
My mom does not belong to the working class, your mom probably doesn't too. So I will never understand their plight since it doesn't apply to me. When I was growing up, my mom was working most of the time. My sisters and I were left in the care of our maternal grandma and a maid. So when we got home from school, we had lunch on the table, laundered clothes waiting for us, its like as if Ma wasn't working. Later on, when we grew up a lil bit, my ma decided to quit her job and start her own business, cos it offered her time flexibility, in order to ferry us to and from piano lessons, speech and drama lessons, school ccas etc.
Another thing. After lunch, I went back to checking rooms and saw the lady there. I just casually asked her whether she's had lunch yet, and she said 'No, I don't have lunch, cos if I do, I won't have enough time to finish cleaning the rooms'. I just murmured a 'mmm', but so much was going thru my head.
'WHAT?! My stomach is rumbling by the time its 11pm, and what I do is NOTHING compared to the cleaning ladies. How can anyone, especially someone who engages in physical labor skip a meal?' I know this lady is not a very good worker. She's frequently late, does her work slowly, and when she finishes, her work is often slipshod. But what to do? She needs a job, she got one.
Since the start of the internship, I've interacted more with the working class. Some of them rather work than just raise their hand for state welfare. I know it is outta my reach to make things better for them, but I can't help but experience this surge of emotions. I consider myself helluva lucky that I can do an unpaid internship, and actually afford it.
Le sigh.