Monday, June 05, 2006
Waiting no more - 5:25 PM
The search has ended.... I...HAVE....FOUND....A...JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Nevermind that its unpaid, Nevermind that I'm gonna be a maid.... I HAVE FOUND A JOB!
After 2 months of anxiety and worries, I have found a job, in one of my dream companies nontheless HUR HUR HUR... But I'm really sorry towards my parents and Ruoxi, cos it means that they will have to supplement me during the holidays too. Sigh, not what I expected, but I'm oh so relieved! I will start next week, and finish 10 weeks later. I'll be working at the Housekeeping department... not very glam, very tiring, but who cares... If you can't survive at housekeeping, you can't survive anywhere. WOOHOOOOO....So for the next 10 weeks, I'll be working at 70th Park Avenue Hotel- A Kimpton hotel in Manhattan.
I didn't prepare much for my interview today. I realised I have nothing to lose. I have been Ruoying-the-one-you-should-hire for my past interviews, but apparently they have NOT worked in my favor. So heck, I shall go as myself. The first question was to describe myself, from what I have done to what I want to do... and I found myself rumbling on and on... Its one of those out of body experiences. You know, when you are just talking, with the occasional eye contact of course, like they teach us in school, but not really thinking about what you are talking about.. only listening to the words that spill out of you. And all of a sudden, I 'woke up' from my trance and I nearly couldn't continue on what I was talking about... THank god I found my tongue and continued, only missing a half beat.
My pa sent me an email last week. He's been talking to Ruoxi and found that I'm still jobless, and that I might be in really low spirits, and I might need a pep talk. In his email, he described his own internship experiences while he was in university. His first internship paid him $4.60/hr; his 2nd didn't really wasn't that challenging cos nothing big was assigned to him; his 3rd was in this really dusty and dirty environment.. but he said that the experience that came with it was more important than anything... it was good enough to overlook the low pay and undesirable conditions. I thought about it and nodded my head. The so-called glamorous jobs, the higher pay, the management positions.... those will open aplenty to me after I graduate...why was I so eager to earn $12 an hour? Learning the art of communication with people who don't usually travel in my social circles, is something I will never learn if I don't have this opportunity. I've just spoken to Pak (ruoxi's boyfriend) on msn cos I'm so excited that I've found an internship. I told him its an unpaid one, and he said 'Paid or unpaid, the difference is in your wallet... It shouldn't affect an experience'. Wise words that I will remember for life. Yeah, money... don't worry, I will have plenty of that next time. Now, what I need, is a 2nd chance.
This trial of mine has taught me a lot. First of all, that I was too arrogant for my own good. I thought that people would hire me in a heartbeat cos I was smart, articulate, and eager. Not so fast. But I have learnt that I have to make things work. If I hadn't called the hotel out of desperation, I wouldn't know that they offered internships. I had been too passive for too long. More importantly, I've also learnt that perseverance does pay off. I didn't want to settle for something that I didn't really want to do, and thankfully I found something before my 10 weeks was up. After I called Ruoxi to tell her the good news, she asked me a question 'You rather make beds for free than be a waitress?' I didn't have to think of a response. YES, OF COURSE, I would rather make beds for free than be a waitress.
Maybe I can finally sleep well tonight. The past few weeks, I have found myself suddenly sitting up in bed at night, cupping my hands, and praying that I would get a job. It would get so bad at times, that my heart would start racing, and thoughts would fill my mind... 'What if I can't find an internship.. what's next? I have to find one for sure.. do I go back to East Lansing and HOPE that I get something? what if there's nothing for me in Lansing as well? If there is something, where do I live? If there isn't anything, where will I go?' Difficult questions, with no answers.
Often, it got so bad that I have to wake up and start writing or typing down my thoughts before they get the better of me and before I breakdown. I was feeling ever more depressed, like seriously depressed. Its not that kinda depression like I felt when the Pistons lost, not the kinda depression you would imagine cos you didn't do well in a test, and certainly not that kinda depression you encounter when you don't have money to go shopping. The depression that hit me felt was like as if I was defeated. That no one would give me a chance, that I was worth nothing. Defeated? NO, thats not like me. Everything has always worked out for me, this time would have to as well... I'm a winner, not a loser. But no... I didn't have a job when I'm supposed to...I have nothing to show for all that rah-rah that I have tried to display myself in.. What is all that talk, when I have no results? I've lost in a race with my better self, and I reached a point where further deluding myself that I am still a winner, became more difficult than swallowing my pride.
For the last month, I lived a life thats filled with waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Waiting, disappointment, despair. That was my life, in a nutshell, in the past 4 weeks. That was probably why my blog posts decreased. I have nothing to say, and if I were writing to showcase my 'fun, exciting' life in Manhattan and getting everyone envious of me,I can only say that it is only more wrong than I can imagine. Because it is not as good as it seems. Why am I so proud that I'm jobless when I shouldn't be, I'm not happy with myself... I'm not here for a holiday, I constantly remind myself... Not entirely, at least. I need a job, and I've got one now.
As I walked home today after my interview, feeling like I have at last redeemed myself a little bit, I was more upbeat. More like... myself, I would say. =)
As I sashayed down 5th in my suit, I wonder how people would view me. If I had seen someone like myself on the road, would I be able to tell that she is gonna be a maid? Of course not. Would I see her as someone who is doing an unpaid internship? Definitely not. Hmmm, she's probably a banker, by the looks of it. A banker starting out, in her Ann Taylor suit, trying to make it in the big city. Hmmm... Not a maid, for sure.
A big thank you to those who cared, who prayed, who believed. How would I do it without you? Whether its helping me redo my cover letter (Amanda Lai, BIG THANKS!), or listening to me rant on and on (all of you on MSN!), I would had gone bonkers and given up. Maybe I'll go for a manicure tomorrow, cos after all, next week onwards, my hands are gonna be scrubbing tubs and making beds, NOT tinkling on the piano, not holding fine china at a cafe, not typing on computers.... This is the path I have chosen, and I will walk it well. Sashay it, whatever. I'll update my progress as a Maid in Manhattan as it goes. Peace!