Sunday, April 16, 2006
I smile. - 5:54 PM
I've been thinking about my bad points recently. No reason in particular, just felt like I should know where to work on. I've decided that I'm quite a pple-pleaser, hmmm...But I stop at pai-ing mai pi. THats just way overboard. I cannot even bring myself to compliment on people's outfits cos I feel that its way too patronizing. I am Asian, I don't go 'wow. Nice skirt.' Instead, I rush home, go online and start surfing the internet for a similar one. And then I wait for a compliment.Sometimes, I go out of my way to help people... Just because I want to help them succeed in their short term goals. I just wanna hear them say a little 'Thank you', cos it makes me happy. No strings attached. But some people, I REALLY don't wanna help. Don't know why, but harlow, I'm not a saint. I have my limits.
Amongst those, are people who complain ALOT. Yes of course, we have those days when we are down on luck, and on life. We niam a little bit, but we move on. Then there are those who do nothing but complain. Blame the government, blame their parents, blame their school, blame their luck. OKOK, YOU HAVE TO STOP IT!!! I am not obliged to listen to you whine, you brat. I have this friend, whom I really don't mind, most of the time. But sometimes she just yak non stop, and add cusses along with her little 'conversations'. Like come on, I don't wanna listen to you curse at 7.45am while walking groggily to class. Somemore its so unnecessary to curse. No one owes you anything la... So you should stop it. Before you lose all your 'friends'.
Then there are those I call 'friends with benefits'. They are those who suddenly pop out few hours before an assignment is due, msg you online and you know that they are asking for a favor. And nothing else. I mean, I do that too. But at least I have a build-up towards asking for a favor. Don't understand what I'm asking about? OK lets say you know that this position holds a higher position in some club that you are part of and are interested in climbing upwards in the near future. You start your networking soon lor! Talk to them more, (minus the ma pi), let them know more about you, and when time comes for elections or interviews, you will have a much higher shot. Don't go and last minute, 30mins before the assignment is due, den inquire 'ehh...Do you remember how to do integration? I have a test tmr.....' TO those, I say SORRY I DON'T REMEMBER. If you want me for help, ask earlier. Please. Dont come and last minute, and pray that people will throw you a life-saving float. I used to be one of those who keep asking for favors. If you are one of those, make sure you have good relationships with the people you need help from. Sometimes, give them little treats or something to show your appreciation. Come on, its not that hard is it?
But then, there are people you JUST can't help but want to help. Just like Sokhong. She is one of those who has wad you call a 'harmless' face. You see her, aiyoh.. looks so blur and cute. You can't help but like her. And then she turns out to be no oil-saving lamp (I learnt it!). Angie says she always gets mistaken for an Ah Lian cos she's skinny and fair. Me? I am unjustly put into the category that screams 'DANGER! MOVE AWAY!!'
WEI SHEN MEH?!! Cos I'm tall and big? Cos I dress nicer? Cos I don't like to smile? OK... So I try to smile more often. And then Sok tells me 'Eh.... Actually your smile is also not that friendly...' ......... HUH... den HOWwwww?? She says I give people the feeling that I am superior to them. I can't help but be tall right. OK I can sit down and talk to you, but you will say I'm being disrespectful. I mean, I've already stopped rolling my eyes since I graduated from VJ, where my eyeball-rolling skills were legendary and award-winning. I've already stopped that slight- nod- of- the- head acknowledgement.. I'm waving to people now. Sometimes, in the right mood, I can even try to act excited. Shiyun says I've improved TREMENDOUSLY since the Cedar days, where I walk around with either a menacing demeanor, or a nonchalent mask. But wah lau, Its not as if I'm treating them with loathe. I LIKE THEM, I really do! I just show my love in an indifferent kinda way.
So sometimes, I think I try to act perfect. OK, no one is perfect, most certainly not me. But I try to act as perfect as I can be. For example, if my bag has a lot of zips. I make sure each zip is closed. Ruoxi has this red bag and some zips are always half zipped or open. Cos she says its mah fan and she has to keep unzipping it to get stuff out. But I cannot stand. I take it as a sign of 'untogetherness'. I am one of those who never shows a sense of hesitance and insecurity. But actually, like everyone, OF COURSE I have my own insecurities. So maybe I should try to show a bit of vulnerability. Then people will help me, right? At times, there are those people who 'ban4 zhu1 chi1 lao2 hu3' and succeed. (translate: act like a pig to devour the tiger). READ: People like Sok, who managed to use that tactic to cheat alot of my money during our Cedar days to eat Macdonalds. But its ok, I forgive you Sok. You are a changed person now. Maybe I should be like that. But I'm afraid that I will only end up being 'ban4 zhu1 gei3 zhu1 chi1'. (translate: act like a pig, gets eaten by a pig)
And then sometimes I feel I talk to much, with no action. But I think thats quite normal. And then I think I'm a little too passive, though sometimes a little demanding. OKOK VERRRYYY demanding at times. Like how I will impose my standards on something as trivial as HAIR on poor Shiyun. OK, shall need to change that and be more accomodating. Sometimes, I'm a little too bossy and likes to hold a reign over certain stuff. But that's justifiable. I lack discipline on a lot of subjects. I've been trying to improve that. I need to try harder.
Am I stubborn? I'm not sure. Am I bad tempered? I think not. Am I lazy? Thats a definite yes. Am I impatient? Sometimes. Am I a control-freak? Selective. Am I rude? Unfortunately, I think I do push a few buttons at times. Am I a loyal friend? I should think so, but only if its reciprocated, la. Am I generous? Yes, yes. Am I an elitist? I DREAM of being an Elitist only. Am I too long-winded? WITHOUT A DOUBT.
So since I'm long-winded, I should stop here now.... I can't continue cos I have to go practise my smile le la. *CAN'T BELIEVE IT. ISIT THAT BAD ISIT THAT BAD?!?*